Overcoming Fear
Do you have fears holding you back from being your best self or starting a new venture? I have found myself in a cycle of self-doubt and fear each time we start something new which has led to a few tricks to overcoming my fears. Fear often comes from a lack of clarity or the unknowns in life. How can you gain clarity or remove the unknowns from the big thing you want to pursue?
Journaling about your fears can be a great way to gain some clarity and details about your feelings. I start with writing down the thing that is holding me back and ask myself the question “Why am I scared of _______”. Then I take my answer and dig a little deeper and ask why again and again until I understand the root cause of the fear. As an example, with launching the On Purpose Investor and On Purpose Mom brand, I have fears that no one will like our content, that we are wasting our time, and that the internet trolls are coming for us. I have found many great podcasts on launching an online brand and journaled to uncover that my true fears are that I’m an imposter and people won't benefit from the hard work we are investing in this business. At the end of the day, we are just a few weeks into launching this business so I don’t know where it will take us but I do know I’m putting my best out there and if I can positively impact one person, then it was worth my time.
When I feel my fears taking over, I like to play the Best Case / Worst Case Scenario game. The goal of this exercise is to start with the worst case scenario and go as dark as you possibly can with it. In our real estate business the worst case scenario for us was:
We invest thousands of dollars and the properties break even or have negative cash flow
None of our tenants pay rent and we begin to default on our mortgages
If we couldn’t sell the homes to investor friends then we lose our properties to foreclosure
We continue working our jobs and save to recoup our investment money
If our situation was dire enough, we would sell our house and move in with one of our parents
Obviously this is pretty bad stuff but at the end of the day, we would still be alive and able to recover. Remember this is the worst case possible and is probably pretty unlikely to happen. On the other hand, think about the best possible outcome. For us it was:
We have time freedom to travel and spend time with family
We can pursue other business ideas and hobbies
We work flexible hours when it is convenient for us
We were able to achieve our best case scenario in a relatively short time frame and are able to do all of these things. We are still at risk of the worst case scenario but we feel very comfortable with our situation given our equity position and cash flow per property.
Another helpful tactic is to focus only on the next step and don’t get caught up on the tasks that are in the future. When we bought our first home we didn’t know everything that went into escrow, permits, renovation costs, tenant management, etc. but we took it one step at a time and learned along the way. I am not advocating for jumping in with no education but want you to keep in mind that it is okay to learn as you go and you don’t have to have all the answers right away. Start with the small steps and get an education or hands on training but don’t get caught in analysis paralysis. I’m a big advocate for the One Thing principles. What is the one thing you can do right now that makes everything else easier or unnecessary? Is it analyzing one deal a day so you can be comfortable when the right deal comes along? Maybe you can find a partner to shadow on a deal to learn the ropes? Focus on taking small steps and worry about tomorrow’s problems tomorrow.
I also have found myself caught up on stories from my past or childhood that define things I can/should do or not do. For example, I tried out for chorus in fourth grade and did not make the audition. Ever since then I have told myself that I am a bad singer and shouldn’t sing in front of anyone, especially Eric since he sings professionally with the National Guard. Since then I have realized my singing, while not great, isn’t as bad as I thought. I had told myself a story for over 20 years but the reality is far different. Another story I was told from a young age is to never have credit card debt and never borrow from your 401K. We have used both of these as tools to help us grow our business. I’m not advocating that you cash out your retirement and rack up a bunch of debt but want to point out that these were tools that helped us grow our business and they served a purpose for us. Another example comes from a dear friend of mine. She was a stay at home mom for many years and decided to become a real estate agent after her boys moved out. It has been really fun to see her identity shift into a real estate professional as she grows her business. Are there stories or possibly an identity you attach to yourself that is holding you back from reaching your dream life?
It is important to remember that not all successful people live without fear. Nelson Mandela said "The brave man is not he who does not feel afraid, but he who conquers that fear." We have to conquer our fears and get comfortable being uncomfortable. Many successful investors still feel fear when taking on certain deals but they have learned how to use it to their advantage and leverage the fear towards taking the next step. In our business, we had to learn to follow our gut when we started to get scared. If a deal had several roadblocks and didn’t fall easily into place, we decided to cut our losses and move on. We might have missed out on a few opportunities but we feel like our best deals for our business were some of the ones we passed on. Had we closed on the first property we had under contract, we might not have continued our business because the project was more than we were ready to tackle. We have learned how to use our fear as a guide to steer our business but we don’t let it hold us back from taking big risks when the reward is deserving.
How can you make the time you spent reading this blog worthwhile? Is it journaling your fears and asking why it scares you? Starting with one small task instead of getting bogged down in future steps? Reviewing your stories or identity to see if something is holding you back? or something else? Don't let the time you just invested go to waste. You only get one life so live it purposefully!
