Wearing Many Hats
As Real Estate investors and entrepreneurs, we balance many things in our life. Between the multiple facets of running a business, managing family relationships, and finding time for exercise and personal development and growth it can be challenging to manage all of these hats that we wear. I often find that certain areas get out of balance and I have to reassess where to focus my energy. As a mom of a very active toddler I often find the day just disappears between playtime and diaper changes, sending out an email or two and trying to get the latest podcast in. At the end of the day I find myself exhausted, the to-do list never gets completed but I look forward to the adventures the next day will bring.
When we first started our investing business, Eric and I had to establish which hat we were wearing at different times of the day. I have heard of people literally wearing different hats depending on what they were doing. While we didn’t take it so literally, we definitely communicated when we were approaching something as a business partner versus a significant other. We started our business before we got married so we had a lot of struggles balancing the two major hats we wore in our relationship. Working with a spouse can be a big challenge and I’m not sure if we had the advantage of a relatively new relationship or if that was a disadvantage. We still have to manage our different hats and now that we have added in the hat of parenthood it makes balancing even more difficult but we take it one day at a time.
We all get the same number of hours in a day so we have to prioritize the things that matter most and let the unimportant things either wait for the next day or move them off the to-do list. One great way to assess your priorities is to look at something like the Wheel of Life or the Seven Circles from The One Thing. These tools break down your life into key areas and allow you to focus on each area individually to assess where you have weak spots. You can use any similar tool or create your own but the end goal is to list out the areas of life that are important to you and rate yourself on a scale of 1 to 10 in each category. Once you have completed rating yourself you have a very clear picture of what areas need improvement and where you are currently strong. You might find that you rate yourself as weak in an area but given the current circumstances you are exactly where you need to be. When we first had our son, I would have rated myself very poorly in most areas, especially my physical health but my family or key relationships rated very high because all my energy went into taking care of our infant. For this season of my life I was in alignment with where I needed to be, even though I rated myself very low in most areas. Finding where you rate yourself can provide clarity on the next steps you need to take to find balance and success in your life.
As you think about your key relationships or family and friends keep in mind that you can’t please everyone or you will be overextended. If we try to make everyone happy we will either be left exhausted with nothing left to give or find ourselves letting down the wrong people. In her book Present Over Perfect, Shauna Niequist says “This is what I know for sure: along the way you will disappoint someone. You will not meet someone’s needs or expectations.” Shauna recommends we identify who our key relationships are and focus on them first. Anything left over after that group can be given to others in our life. Imagine your relationships like a dart board. Our yellow inner circle should be reserved for your spouse, children, and very close friends and family. The next level should include extended family and other friends and the outer circle will include everyone else. Shauna ruminates “I’ve realized one thing that makes it hard for me to disappoint people is my tendency to overestimate how close I am to someone, and then how imperative it is that I don’t disappoint this dear, dear friend. But upon closer inspection, I am probably not this person’s dear friend. This is probably not a deep heart wound, but probably more a small professional disappointment. Those are very different.” Take some time today to think about who belongs in your inner circle, middle circle and who should be in the outer circle. This will help you determine which relationships should take the most of your focus and energy and which relationships you should invest in only when you have the bandwidth. Who in your life can you disappoint without any major negative impact so you can preserve your limited resources for those who matter most to you?
One key relationship that often gets ignored, especially for moms, is our relationship with ourselves. We give our all to our business, our friends, and our family and oftentimes we don’t take the time to care for ourselves. I hear parents say that they don’t have hobbies anymore now that they have kids. While it is great to focus on our kids, we have to have time for ourselves to rest and do the things we enjoy. I personally enjoy reading and average 50-65 books per year. That is until we had our son; in his first year I managed to get in 20. While I’m incredibly proud that I was able to read that many, I have noticed that I miss the relaxing time of a good fiction novel or the enjoyment of learning something new from a business book. As I mentioned previously, in that season of my life I was not balanced in all areas but I was focusing on the most important circle, my son. Now that we are past the crazy newborn days I have set a goal for myself to read 52 books this year, one for each week. I may not hit my target but by having a goal in this area of my life I am making reading a bigger priority and I’m finding much more happiness in my life. I feel like a more well rounded person because I am able to have an identity outside of being a mom, wife, and business owner. By having this time for myself I am more present with my family and feel more relaxed than I ever have. What is something you enjoyed doing in the past or would enjoy trying to do that would give you more balance and fulfillment in your life?
Please make the time you spent reading this post an investment and don’t let it go to waste. Spend 10 minutes thinking about the key circles for your life and rating yourself in each area. Does your rating align with your current situation and values or is there maybe some tweaking that needs to happen? Who are the key relationships in your life that should get the majority of your attention and which relationships would it be okay to let down every so often? What are some personal hobbies or activities you’d like to take up to help you find balance between all the many hats you wear?
